12:21pm
library
Soooo.....
You sit down to write and everything just hides under a neuron somewhere.
It smells really good in here right now. Like a berry muffin.
I can't relax.
Woman was in tears this morning. Honestly, I thought she was faking it at first.
But she would howl and it reminded me of when I was sick May 1, 2022.
I was totally alone.
The pain lasted for days.
I thought I was going to die.
Don't know if this lady had the same problem - I still don't even know what my problem was.
I keep showing people my music. I keep telling them I was isolated for five years and was tortured.
I guess nobody knows what to say - what to do - what would you do?
Maybe they think I'm an idiot and just won't say.
Maybe they know more than they will ever say.
Who the fuck knows.
I am hungry.
Maybe I should try to do walmart delivery today. I had $10 credit.
Actually, shit, I don't think I have enough to do a minimum order. Nevermind.
I can try it when I get food stamps again.
I have a bag of snacks.
Granola bar things, goldfish, an applesauce I think.
I bought apples for breakfast. I still have one. They're just loud to eat.
I want the rain to let up.
I need to count my cigarettes.
12.
22
23
24
25
26
27
28
29
30
Days left in April.
I got $10 yesterday from HeyCash. It took like two hours of surveys and cancelling free trials.
I doubt I'll be able to get much more out of the app, but it helped.
If I can find something every day I can get cigs for the rest of the month.
My code is: ZPOZZK
OH MY GOD I HAVE A MUFFIN
I have been trying to use the apps to get some more cash flow. There are like 5 different ones I just downloaded:
- five surveys
- justplay
- bestplay
- playwell
- cardscapes - supposed to pay $500 by the time you get to "chapter 400"...no idea how long that will take
I've used Mistplay and PlayTestCloud before.
3:16pm
Oh my god that took forever but I am one survey away from getting the $5.
what did I eat today? an apple. a muffin. coffee.
sad fucking feeling that I am 36 years old and should be making memories with my future husband-person and maybe kids or something and I'm... unhoused, eating snack packs of goldfish in the library and trying to get $5 for cigarettes.
My whole universal got strangled out by something that decided they would run everyone else's' lives
Phone is on 1% battery. Would be a good time to go smoke a cig. I think it's still raining.
The thing is live streaming so why not just step outside and come back?
Haven't said anything groundbreaking today yet either - just documenting my experience I guess.
It always has more power in context of the bigger picture though.
Could put on Hasan and just leave him talking while I go outside.
Maybe I should try to get a room? Or is that ... hmm
It's a long day today so the library is open until 8pm.
I would still need to leave early to get to the shelter by 8 - but still.
Hmm....
1: I'm cold
2: I need to pee for the fourth time today
3: I want a cigarette
4: I would need to leave my cart and laptop .... or get it all together, bring it out in the rain, come back and hope I still have my seat (blah) it's not so busy here that I would really be using up resources if I took a break
5: Just gonna end up sitting here stuck for 20 more minutes until I either have to pee so bad or I give up on worrying about it - pretty sure there is only one exit to this library so if they came out with my stuff I'd see them - the vibe has been fine - my favorite security guy is here now too
4:04pm
It was nice. It wasn't raining.
Back to Hasan.
5:15pm
Hasan spends so much time going over the bullshit people say about him and why it's bullshit.
Wish he was talking about shit instead - he doesn't have to convince me he's awesome.
I think believing the "country" will crumble is always wrong. People fold over like an omelet
THE LOUVRE - LOO-VE butts
5:38pm
Someone sent me $30! Yay!
I kinda want to smoke again but I am trying to wait until 6.
Leave around 7:30.
I fucking love this - I never feel more at home.
6:02pm
We logged off at the same time!
I'm gonna go.
Until tomorrow....
https://www.twitch.tv/hasanabi
twitch.tv/socialorphananiarchy/
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