Tuesday, April 7, 2026

4.7.26 12:21pm library

12:21pm

Library


I was waiting outside since...9am? A little after 8? I thought the library opened at 10.

It's Tuesday - that means open at noon and close at 8pm.

I could potentially just be here the rest of the day without leaving unless I want food. 

Oh good, it stopped. There was some undulating bass noise ... no idea where it was

coming from...outside? Inside the wall behind me?  

Last night I woke up around 1am to a sound in the walls 

that stopped when the shift changed around 2am. 

Like someone beating a drum slow and steady or bouncing a basketball maybe.

It stopped and I went back to bed.

 

....I am really trying to write exactly what I mean to say, but consider everything a rough

draft unless I say "this is exactly what I want to say, how I want to say it"....

 

Should we go back to Hasan? I could say "important stuff happening" but ... oh my god ... when isn't it?


I am still thawing out a little bit. I was colder than usual this morning. 

Don't you just love warmth?


Before we dive into our ever present doom - thoughts and feelings?

 

I still just deeply want to have already had a solid partner to share my life with

and I continue to feel pain I don't think I would have been feeling if:

a) I had been taken care of differently since childhood

b) I hadn't been under duress in my own home for five years

c) the social order had a better grasp on pain management and stigma and worked out all the details about people using cannabis as medicine 

 

Suddenly disassociatingly tired.

 

Yeah, maybe I am just barely hanging on but I will remain intellectually dignified. Cool. 

Let's turn on Hasan. 

 

12:44pm having sound trouble

 

 

 

 

 

 

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