2:56pm
9.19.26
I have been annoyed for hours on end and I don't think the asshole left.
Every time I come to the library people won't leave me alone.
I think they hate Portland and wish you'd somehow be an excuse for whatever.
They should have never been able to impact my life.
People stole my stuff yesterday, but last night I slept okay.
I have to sleep in a box. It's getting cold.
My sister, some corrupt assholes pretending to be the government, the bizarro international salvation army, and whoever else got their bigoted hands on my life is trying to swirl me into a mental health crisis.
It truly feels like they could just never stand that I was right.
These fucking people killed you for being right.
I have better shit to do - a lot of music to listen to.
Save the world through the music. That's worth it.
I have entire lesson plans forming in my mind but I am too stressed and too angry at my surroundings.
Like trying to give birth to a good idea but this isn't a good place for the baby.
Some fucking creep won't leave me alone.
The future will understand exactly what happened to me since birth - since Dec 25, 1989 - Massachusetts, Pennsylvania, Upstate New York, Oregon - and it will never happen to anyone else ever again.
I want to take a break but they keep giving me a hard time about taking my laptop outside. They literally interrupted me when I first sat down just to make me move over less than a foot. It was just to fuck with me. It is terrifying these fucking "adults" would do that.
Get passive aggressively followed by a satellite.
I am so tired.
The one dude got up and left when I said something about Big Brother but he also left his shit behind so seems like he intends on coming back. (he came back but is less annoying now at least)
I could write a love letter. Try to tell someone how I ended up connected to them in any way. I feel interrupted. I feel like a bunch of seriously gross people with no boundaries won't give up their ego enough to STOP. FUCKING. WITH. ME. while a million artists made a million music videos I want to just keep watching one after another until I have seen everything people were trying to tell me and then process that into something for universal human rights....
But for some reason I am being fucked with on the daily.
I really do need someone smarter to just awaken their fucking minds and they will choose to leave me alone of their own volition - finally.
I love the music.
I have loved feeling like I was saving the world with Hasan.
What else is there?
3:11pm
p.s.
I would rather hang out with the guys they wanted me to hate than the haters who hated them
3:25pm
I am so sleepy.
I have ideas for a program of some kind I could slap together but I don't feel like getting into it around these people - the ones who have been messing with me somehow since I got in a little after 10am.
Why would you be trying to push me into another room?
One of the librarians tried to make me uncomfortable yesterday - acted like I had to take my whole laptop with me if I go outside and I explained I used it as a security camera - they just make shit up and a different person would not care at all.
I have like $5 on my paypal and nothing in cash. My vape is almost out. It says I have a message for my EBT but won't let me log into my account - I think they're fucking with shit to bait me into writing a letter to the new york times or some shit. I want every idiot to feel watched and I don't care anymore.
The vibes are off and I am tired and "how we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives" [Annie Dillard] so I am layers of upset when it comes to feeling like my potential is wasted and I need time to recharge but there's no time and the battery can't get enough power and time passes and it starts to feel like your fault no matter how much you know it isn't because you can see how it might have been different when it has changed enough to notice the contrast and by then it's too late....
I need to pee and take a vape break.
Might sit somewhere else when I come back inside.
The vibe did change but I am still upset because I always have something important to process.
My twitch is: https://www.twitch.tv/socialorphananiarchy
bandcamp: https://socialorphananiarchy.bandcamp.com/
I need to make more music too!
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