Starbucks has a super lag but there's coffee, a bathroom, and the place is warm. I am trying to get a lot out at once today. Some kind of "super video".
I need more money. I cannot afford this. I need at least $36 for a nicotine vape. $10 gets a cart of cannabis. Then I'm just trying to get food and electricity/internet every day. They stole ALL MY CLOTHES when they stole my cart (outside the Apple store on 4th and Yamhill between 4:30 and 10pm on October 24th, 2026) and I had to piss myself the other morning. I can wash my stuff in a sink somewhere but haven't tried it yet because there's no where to dry anything and it's cold outside.
Whoever just LET THIS HAPPEN TO ME - ON PURPOSE - IS A FUCKING MONSTROUS IDIOT.
I am sleeping in a bucket. It's a back-up bucket - they destroyed the first cart and stole the second one. "They" being the fucking psych op that's been ruining my life for years. They would have you blame the homeless or something overgeneralized, but I know better. They're just actors who infiltrate everyone's life and ruin shit - people get money and a sense of power out it somehow. Fuck whatever this is.
It seems to run on an old logic that has no weight in reality - it's just shit dumb people got away with for generations. A joke that's not funny anymore, or never was if you thought about it - a boring magic trick - everyone knows how it works already.
- it sounds like the starbucks guy keeps saying my name but I don't know why he would be -
- you realize I am only here because they've pushed me out of anywhere else I could have survived in town? Every fucking where I went, they stole my shit, fucked me up, terrorized me, and tried to exclude me from services. Grocery store, library, shelters, fucking essential places. Places with a spot to sit down - out of the elements/rain - with internet and electricity to charge my devices. Places with a microwave and hot water or at least an eating spot. Places I could use my food stamps. Places I could use the bathroom when I needed to all day. They have people go into the fucking bathrooms and fuck with me. They have been following me around spying on me. I've been under duress since 2020 you moron. So what can you possibly get out of this? Ripping me off for a story? You haven't been helping stop exploitation, stop candyland capitalism, or even just get people housing - so what are you doing?
I have never had body lice - or any kind of lice - in my life. I was kicked out of the H&M spot by the mall and ended up at the Whole Foods by Powell's. I stayed there for a week and was only ever inside the store or directly outside. I didn't play in the trash or something. I was just there. I will never fucking go back, not even for groceries. If you can't wash your stuff every day, don't go there. If you can wash everyday I'm sure it's fine - the eggs don't stick to them. That's gotta be what's up or everyone there would be fucked if they're inside the place all day. The body lice is gone now and I never want it back.
I wasn't forced to leave that spot - I had to go get pads from my storage unit. Slept out in Milwaukie for a couple nights, came back downtown, and someone stole my fucking cart. Portland Street Response gave me a sleeping bag - did not have a way to file a police report about ALL MY STUFF - and I slept on the ground a couple nights before getting the last resort from my storage unit. It's a bin tied to a roller bookbag. It's better than sleeping on the ground but this shit is killing me. The way everyone goes on with their life around you and laughs - the way you've been made into a public joke - the way they KNOW you were TORTURED for 5 years under COVID and did NOT just "FALL ONTO HARD TIMES" - it's so fucked up fuck all of you may you feel the pain you've caused me until you say you're fucking sorry. It's what anyone would feel right now.
I did not fuck around. I don't have to find out. You just wanted to manipulate a story for your own gain and it's a big lie and will never matter because it isn't true. You can't build a world on genocide and expect it to work out.
I've only used this location twice now, but it seems better. They fuck with me at the other Starbucks in the center of pioneer square - dragged my cart around, told me I could only vape for 5 minutes, acted like I was a problem, wouldn't give me star points which cost me free items I needed, always had the bathroom closed when it's the only fucking place to pee at that hour and if you buy a coffee you want the location that stays open the longest - it's all just fucked up. You know you're a resource, be a person, I don't give a fuck about what you expect from "a business". I expect you to be a human before you're anything else, including an employee or a security guard.
Elections:
Can't get excited about it. Let's put our last quarter threw the broken vending machine - again - maybe it'll work this time... Candidates could be real but it's like they're tied to a chair after election day and told how it's gonna be by the same old power structure and they never get to really change anything...
*
7:37am
The way I need to go pee again. The way I feel like it's some "salvation army agenda" to make me feel like my mother, to "punish me" (however unfairly) because I didn't support her when she was their hero. I am not my mother. I am not my father, either. Or my half-sister, Linda. I am a humanist. I am my own person. You should not have done this to me.
