3:30pm
library
A girl liked my wig and called me supernova as soon as I came in and it made my whole day.
It was on the side of awful otherwise.
Some guy came over and sat at the spot I found where I can get internet and play music and no one seems to mind. No one says to leave or move. And I didn't say anything while he hung out for a long time. Maybe an hour? And I kept smelling waves of piss. It was raining anyway so I tilted my umbrella to try and block him, but it was so strong I don't know if he was actively pissing himself. I didn't turn to look at him though until I smelled something gross burning. I don't know what the hell it was but it made me reflexively just ask him as strongly and calmly as I could to leave. I must have asked like 10 times. He slowly got his stuff together and I could see he was trying to leave "messages" behind - a shoe with a happy face and a scarf with skulls or something. I told him I don't want his symbols save his messages for someone else. I felt mean but I had to stop singing the smell of piss was getting in my mouth. And I put up with that because - for a lot of reasons - it's just sad. But yeah... Once he actually left I cleaned up his trash and it was clearly messages crap - a ripped up cannabis poster, a mcdonald's straw, four stickers with tarot cups on them, and a pokemon card - I could see him picking which card he was going to leave. I fucking hate this bullshit leave me alone.
I got a picture of it:
Anything else happen of note?
Oh yeah, I had some kind of asthma/heartburn attack earlier in the day. I was tired and my stomach has no regularity. Someone nice asked me if I was okay and I think I breathed in the powder from my boots that I had right next to me. It was awful. Burning all through my chest.
I got a shower and brushed my teeth and felt way better though.
Now I think I'm just hungry.
It's Friday, the library closes at 6.
I could wait or go earlier - get some food. I don't even know how much food stamps I have left.
Lemme check...
[Watching Hasan Piker's stream at the same time...just remember I agree with him 7 out of 10 times and then wonder why the fuck he said something or said it that way and hope it was just to reach a broader audience...so I don't agree with him in every moment but I still need him in my life.]
I have 100.27 left. That's not bad for the 15th of the month. That's $6 something ... unless I count today so $5.88 per day I think. Not enough to buy a bag of vegetarian chicken tenders or the vegetarian bao buns. But I could get a potato and sour cream and even cheese maybe if it's on sale. Too bad they don't sell cheese sticks by the stick.
Might go now or soon. I feel so tired. I have to charge my devices again...even the back up battery is dead and the other one has been finicky.
All the rooms are full.
There are two shelter staff who are like life savers and for some bogus reason or another they want to send one to jail for four years and one for four months. Gonna seriously write letters to try and get people to realize they're needed outside of that bullshit.
HUNGRY.
Mad I had to suck on some guy's piss air today.
I don't know how much I slept. It's been a week where almost every day something wakes me up between 1 and 4am. I thought I had it on lock last night with the new double c usb cord I found works with one of the chargers. But I woke up and my phone died and I had to wait an hour to charge enough to go back to sleep. There have been some arguments - it feels like there's a bunch of (mostly) older women who are bullying everybody else. Whether they are being deliberate or not, it's usually one of them every night doing something to wake people up. I think people really needed their own private apartments and an on-call nurse who can handle medication. Special beds. Their own things to comfort them.
I also worry about the sick sci-fi idea this was to connect people with someone who would become their caregiver. But that's too much.
Right now I am just enjoying how warm my laptop is on my lap. It's fucking freezing cold today. Especially compared to being 80 just a few days ago.
I say that and then imagine how much colder it ever is on the east coast...ahhhhh
It's still so different than back in January or even February. That was worse.
I still feel bad about that guy burning whatever he was burning. It was just sad.
I dumped some galia melon seeds in the intersection garden as I left. I would love to see anything I planted there grow. I never had a galia melon before and see no real reason to try it again but it was something to eat yesterday.
I think I am gonna go to the bathroom and get a potato....I am gonna have to charge my devices somehow one way or another though - so my brain is just fighting back and forth right now.
I'm getting out my hot hands... these are the best ones of them all: super warmer large 18 hours and I have had them stay hot for over a day before.
That is going to make the whole rest of my day possible.
Hasan's stream is just kind of washing over my brain - I feel weird.
I legitimately have had a lot of nicotine ... oh yay AOC!
The Geek Bar Pulse (Banana Taffy Freeze) I got is supposed to have 40 packs worth of nicotine. 7 days for $32 is awesome compared to $13.76 or some change ... would have been $96.32. A guy at Astro Gas said they had to pay more for the permits so the cigarettes were going to go up in price by July too on top of it. The Flum Mello (Frozen Watermelon) was $22 and is smaller, but I think I am hitting it less. I'm not sure. Will keep track of how much the juice goes down per day. Trying not to go over 10% of the juice - so it would last like 10 days. These are supposed to last a month though. Oh and I want to say I got the Geek Bar Pulse but just kept it on regular mode and didn't see any benefit of the pulse mode. Got loud cloudz either way. That is a lot of fun you could never do with a cig.
Both flavors were awesome especially when you just think of it like a mini hookah. I love to let the vapor just pool and spill out of my mouth like one of those water incense combo creations. The Frozen Watermelon is a little more flowery than the super sweet Banana Taffy Freeze. Both can give you genuine brain freeze like you ate ice cream too fast - which can be so strong it kinda hurts but it's also really nice to feel physically cool even in the heat. I did burp up some banana flavor everything is so coated in it. Still, more fun, easier, smells nicer, makes me feel better than combustion smoking. Can't deny I feel like I said goodbye to one of my favorite things for a month and if I can afford a vape I don't even have a craving to smoke.
Don't you wish pointing out corruption made it so the corruption would stop, not just evolve?
Well, google AI says 128.5mg of nicotine per day is a health emergency.
I just had my blood pressure taken. It was something like 128 over 72?
The 128 number was a bit high but she said I was totally fine.
It says reduce sodium...I would make avocado spring rolls for dinner again but it cost like $30 in food stamps.
Glad I stayed around for the interview - this is the best thing Hasan can do - share his time with someone who needs to say shit and people need to know.
https://www.twitch.tv/hasanabi
On homelessness:
What the "streets" are like
What the available shelters are like
Who is working the shelters
How safe they can feel, how much they can sleep, how clean it is, if there is food, if there is space for their things, if they can have their pet, if they can stay as a couple or have to separate or other gender-based situations, how long than can stay, and who tries to screw with them to make them bad off enough to go to a mental hospital or jail, or makes them disabled, or tries to get them to leave....
Everyone is a chemistry of individuals - it will be different with different people in different places - but even the best is still something I think the far future will look on with a sense of genocide within a system. Well meaning people doing their best to stop people from slipping through the cracks of life but they should not have been forced into that stress position in the first place. It all feels like a sick joke played on someone people didn't like - maybe because they were right. Maybe because they did not conform to what the people they just happened to know thought their life should be like. But plenty of people feel stalked, sabotaged, militarized, corporatized, violated, and fucked by the government/powerful people in general.
LADY:
The place we call a "shelter" is somewhere you have to go inside at 8pm, fall asleep among strangers, many in pain or with behavioral differences/issues, and then leave somewhere between 6 and 8am depending on the shelter. You can't come back during the day. There are very limited places to safely nap, especially with a bunch of stuff. And then you have to have another place to shower and do laundry - just to keep up basic heigye. It takes hours to walk to the place where I can shower, wait in line, HOPE I GET A SPOT, and if I can't get a spot then I am stuck all day with dirty laundry or go without a shower. I could be on my period. I shower often enough it isn't the biggest deal, but I probably want a shower every day all summer because I will be sweating outside all day. And then you scream well gEt a JoB, fill up your time wisely, save your money, rejoin the world that has their own place to live and never worries that much about there not being a bathroom nearby or whether it's going to rain, or if there will be food at the shelter that night, or if someone new is going to show up needing services too who might make them sick. Don't even get me started about the constant level of shit that should not happen but everyone has to suck up in order to stay resilient.
It feels sick I could handle it because it is too familiar in many ways to how I grew up.
They are not taking into account my work history. My life history.
I have done more than enough for this planet, this system, this social order.
I am a dog in someone else's house and that's not life, liberty, or the pursuit of happiness.
It's just genocide. Call it whatever. It all amounts to some kind of genocide.
On the topic of police:
Someone will act as a vigilante without training or standards - so we will always have some kind of organized security but what they do, how they interact, the impact they have - fuck the scarcity fear state. A state of hypocrisy.
I AM SO HUNGRY and I can't tell if it is raining. I want to wait until she is done talking but ....ahhhhhhhhhhh.
