Part of me
just wants to go back
to when we used to say "I love you"
and you believed in me
it's as if
by leaving
you took with you
all the faith I had in myself
not to say it was a lot
to begin with
but it was a confidence
perhaps an arrogance
(a productive one)
I can't seem to summon now
that's not to say
it was your fault
or that you should have stayed
just to preserve my sense of self
and maybe it's good
I had to question myself more
than I ever had before
but that was the last time
I felt like I was anybody
even if I wasn't happy then
I was so much happier
happy in a certain way
that I think I might never be again
that first time kind of happiness
that teaches you what happiness is
that comfortable
that eternal
that beloved
that limitless
that simultaneously intoxicating and clearifying
that freeing
kind of happiness
that you look for
everywhere you go
in everyone you meet
all the rest of your life
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