Sun Rises

Please, do not tell me our love
is like the glow of some eternal
moon; a cold, hard rock
light years from here
where we lay in the summer grass
with the crickets and dirt under our nails and bare feet.

And do not compare
what we feel for each other
to infernos or licking candles,
matches flicked and sparkling in the night;

But allow the embers from our campfire to smoke and smolder,
burning our marshmallows black as the sun rises.

-L. Gamari

Love like Music [truth]

I trust the music.
It never fails to take me away from where ever I may be. Give me a note, a chord, a word and I am transported. I am transformed. A static silence ago, I was a bored and empty and staring blindly out some car window. Switch the station and I am alive. The music embraces me in beats and strings and voices. Now my spirit is full. My molecules resonate within my body, joining, growing, dancing and I have purpose. Music turns my pulse to love; melts my limbs, clears my eyes and reddens my lips. I hope you can feel it too, otherwise I’m sorry; I have no choice but to leave you far, far behind. Love becomes power, and I am unafraid, on my way to some uncertain destiny. A seatbelt cannot restrain the radiating possibility – the wild of my awakened heart. I have found my soul.

Most people do not make me feel this way. If someone ever did, I would be sure to know I loved them. It is a rare thing for another person to make you feel free. Friends have made me feel accepted, made me belong. They’ve let me laugh and fed me ideas to wonder before I go to sleep. Girls have taught me to compare, and the boys have made me blush and look away. Sisters have played hide and seek with me, only to leave me in graveyards. Fathers wander away in crowded parks. Mothers tuck me in on someone else’s doorstep – but the music comes for me. Music seeks me as I seek it; we have no choice but to collide. Even in the aftermath, music lets me go, only to come back again and again in the rain of memory. The aftermath of our crash is a magic, toxic spill of reality and what can be. Music does not hide the truth from me. Confirming what my heart believed it knew, but did not have the courage to say aloud - music speaks for me. No matter my mood, there is always some human out there, human like me, to respond with their drums and violins. Music changes us, and we become something so much more than what we wanted to believe we could be, because the failure of it would be too devastating. With music we are not alone. With music we are safe.

No one has ever made me know freedom like music.
In music is the freedom of change. I transcend this mortal shell of flesh; the soul is an opal mist, I am connected to all things. I am all people; all histories, all futures. The story of life is told in music, you cannot hold it down with rules or social norms. Music is whatever it wants to be, whatever you let it be.
A softer harmony comes through the radio, more simple, more perfect. This everlasting breath tames the once wild, raging heart of possibility. Focus shifts to the easy and slow, rise and fall, of what surrounds me. This is when I want to hold your hand, wrapping a finger or two around yours, as a child would do. I want to come back for you. I want to smile. Music does not pressure me, expect things of me, or complacently accept me. Music does not underestimate me. It knows I am just as versatile, complex, full of thought and meaning and history beyond the chorus. I want to love you. I want to share my music with you. Please do not turn that volume down. Do not pull away, or speak below a whisper. Do not hide from me. Your song is your own; let me hear you, find you. Trust me. Turn it up, up, up.

What If [We are a generation of thieves]

We are a generation of thieves.
We steal each other's time,
Beauty. Freedom. Choice.

Our ability to live any kind of adventure is greatly diminished. Only the strongest ones can catch the train now. Only the lucky ones.

The love inside of me is there, I know it, deeply suffocating. It's fighting.

Oh god, how I long for a time that is older. Whether myself being older or just going into the past, the wrinkles I remember in my Grandmother's face remind me that I do not truly belong here. I overcompensate my youth, substitute it with quirky humor and broad smiles. But I am not so young. Unless romance is only for the young...then I suppose I'm wrong...what if I'm wrong about everything?

What if there is a God?
What if there is an afterlife? Oh how much easier living this life would be.
To know that you will see them again. Talk to them. Kiss them. Touch them. Feel Them.
What if nothing were ever over? What if it never ends?

*6/13/25 note: no god worthy of worship would have let this shit happen to anyone anywhere in the world

You're a sparkling ball of electricity, bouncing through the black cosmos until you collide with - anything - and life explodes on impact.

Oh how fortunate we would be. This modern life has been clouded. We no longer value the important things, the real things, on a day to day basis. Gap is the God of Love. Oil is the God of War. Money is a deadly sin, a necessary evil we all indulge. Adventure has been written off, adventure is for those who can afford it. We've thrown it to the movie stars and Hollywood to interpret for us in 120 minute blocks of light & sound & sex. That's our escape. When we blink back into our reality as the lights come up, we forget. Everyone forgets. Promises are broken, honor is lost. Follow the masses! Fall into the pit. We're all so lost, so unhappy, so screwed, and all so alone among the sea of everybody else.

But what if I fight back? What if I don't listen to the magazines and the logical minds that tell me "love like that doesn't exist." "lower your standards" "be realistic".
What if I keep my dreams, never let them go, pursue them with every cell in my body?
What if I write? Draw, create, organize, lead, revolt, win? What if I choose love? What if I choose happiness? What if I could get everyone else to do the same?
Perhaps then, fear would not be so scary. Love would be more daily than expensive jeans. Humanity would rule over technology, instead of being ruled by it.

Full of Empty [poem]

I'm not needy, but I need you.
I'm not lame, but you're my crutch.

I'm not going to hide how I feel because it's not "good"
or not easy to understand.
It's part of me, damnit, so it's worth something.

When I look at you
I see the palest blue
Shy Oceans
Sandy Beaches
and - sometimes - a bonfire.
I've seen stars and
the coldest snow...

Molecules, Ions, and Stardust
It was like an explosion of brilliant white light, but instead of a bang the sound was that of church bells. Of violins, and pianos, and strings. It was music. You can't help but feel inspired. You can't help but feel empowered by it.
I feel like I could do - anything.
Like I could be - anything.
Like I found - myself.
All I want is a
family
love
togetherness
Laughter, learning
and as little pain as possible.