I need emergency assistance.
How do I explain this better than I already have? Am I talking into a void? Did someone want bad things to happen to me?
I had not gone outside in five years - had not walked, had not shared germs - for five years. I felt terrorized on a daily basis. It was not a vacation or fun or something people should wish for - what happened to me was fucked up. And then on January 21st without warning or notice police forcibly yanked me out of my unit and put me in handcuffs and then put me outside with just my laptop and what I was wearing. I was lucky a friend came down a couple weeks later to help me get some of my things from my apartment - but I lost three quarters of my stuff. I had lived there a decade, management knew I had a documented disability, and they knew I was surviving on assistance - the purpose of that building is to keep vulnerable people housed.
I would have never been isolated inside if COVID hadn't happened and then I was harassed and terrorized for years.
My body has broken down. I can't function like I did before 2020. Everything is way harder than it ever used to be and I wasn't the most athletic person in the first place. Slowest member of the swim team.
I have already gotten sick and injured my feet. I now have too much stuff to stay at the shelter where I was and I don't want to lose what little I have left. I am worried I won't be able to afford a storage unit and they will take my things if I can't pay them. I can't get a credit card or a loan. My credit is only fair and I have no income - I was applying for disability assistance since 2024. I have survived and kept the internet on thanks to donations to my gofundme. [ If anyone can help me, paypal.me/LLGamari is faster. ]
The idea of going back outside, sleeping in the big one room shelter space with everyone coughing, or having to find someplace outside and just sit with my stuff, being scared of people who would hurt me or steal my few belongings, not having a bathroom - it's destroying me.
Most of the money I got after my dad died in 2022 went to intangible things: I donated $10,000 to charity and gave people thousands of dollars. I bought food, internet, phone and a phone plan, paid the electric bill, invested in medicine, paid the Arts Tax (that should have been waived anyway), paid rent. I bought books, most of which got left behind. I bought clothes and shoes and wigs and dresses and galaxy lights to create a character I thought I could be online - voltaverse, emo mz. frizzle, social orphan ani archy. I have worked every day and have an archive of peaceful protest streams of consciousness that I have tried to save everywhere I can.
The Take, Contrapoints, Behind the Bastards, Hasan Piker can do it - why couldn't I?
I made music and a bandcamp.
I also bought emergency stuff - the stuff I have now - because I was always scared they would make me unhoused. It has always been a threat.
The city just found $106 million that was supposed to go to rent assistance. It would have kept me housed.
I am truly scared this bullshit will kill me - and worse - it was designed that way.
I have sent a letter to HUD. I have tried to reach out to everyone I can. I have felt digitally isolated for years - like my emails weren't even getting out there. I don't know what else to do. The phone is on a lifeline plan and for some reason doesn't always work - it will give me network errors. I have to at least have internet or I can't even reach out for help.
Please fucking help me if you can, even if it just means you will support housing, internet, food stamps, health insurance, and programs for people in the future.
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