Uniquely quiet today for the most part.
Sad that good things can be so unnerving when you're not used to them.
Might be getting a letter later this morning or afternoon about whether I qualified for rent assistance.
Wish she could have just told me if everything would be okay or not.
Election coming up.
They boarded the windows to the apartment.
You see things online. They did that in most every major city.
Expecting a fight. Expecting chaos. Will people take to the streets in joy or only anger?
Should we have been stricter about staying home, either way?
Curious how the protests did not lead to more deadly outbreaks, but the *rump rallies did.
Is that supposed to be a testament to the effectiveness of masks?
Or will the protesters be riddled with cancer in 5 years from expired tear gas?
Don't you see how it's the most defiant being punished?
Black Lives Matter, Antifascists, and their allies are just disobedient for much better reasons.
But isn't it suspicious all the same?
Not forgetting there are three months between now and inauguration if Biden wins.
I don't want to even try to predict what will happen.
There are multiple possible bridges and I don't know which one we will need to cross yet.
The important stuff: the virus, the election, police corruption, a lineage of white supremacy that is entangled in the fabric of our government. Social murder.
And I, like some kind of perpetual teenager, just want tasty foods and cannabis, if I'm being honest.
I just want parts of my old life just before this.
Walking to work all independent and strong.
Smoking cigarettes and singing songs.
Clean clean clean and think think think.
Go home and do it all again tomorrow.
I called it when the world shut down:
They'd have us experience something worse for long enough
that whatever we had before would seem like a dream
even though it wasn't all that great to begin with
but compared to this
hell yes do I miss it.
Now I'm embarrassing myself
attempting to ask strangers for money
in exchange for picture I took of the moon.
Why I thought that might work, I don't know.
Should have probably tried to do that sooner.
Might very well be getting an eviction letter.
Which reminds me there's another chance for help with the electric later today.
I wish I didn't feel like I'm only really useful
as a sacrifice.
That just isn't right.
That can't be right.
I can do so much more than this.
I care so much more than this.
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