Saturday, November 7, 2020

11/7/2020: something healing

6pm 

Feeling a million times better, oh my god

How do I convey the relief? The difference between this and that agony?

I'm talking about both my toothache and the election

Just as I shouldn't take this to mean I can skip seeing a dentist

we shouldn't think everything is fixed now that Biden's president

but on both counts I prefer right now to how it's been

that's for certain


the pain is exhausting

but now that I feel better

I don't want to waste time

couldn't think

couldn't draw

couldn't eat

couldn't sleep

tried sitting up

with water in my mouth

that did not work out well


finally caved and bought some orajel

lucky to have the means

thought it wasn't working at first

but it's just been a dull discomfort for at least an hour or two

far reduced from the way the pain would grow up my face

like when characters get poisoned in superhero movies

the way it shot through my gums

top and bottom teeth

drilled through my ear

up around my sinuses

carving into my head

how could anyone suffer through that for long

hurts so bad you can't see


I told him he made me feel expendanble

and he - being who taught me the word and the concept - replied

that he felt expendable too


but I just needed to hear that people were not

we don't live in soylent green

that's not the episode of twilight mirror limits that we're watching


If anything today should be celebratory

I suppose it is

I only just started being pain free about an hour ago

maybe I just need time to adjust

and I can feel my full happy


6:25pm


what will the next four years

or even just one

bring us?


this is why I wish for

as little pain as possible

oh man no one should have to

ever feel that

go through that

ugh it's awful 


all my joints are swollen on my right side

well that's not good


already taken between 12 and 15 naproxen today 

2 ml of rso

orajel 


I don't want to 

but I think I should try to 

go back to

sleep again

something healing

like a cat purring



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