Sunday, November 8, 2020

11.8.2020: loneliness is its own kind of painful

wake up alone

sore teeth

snot tinged with blood

wonder if anyone who ever said they loved you

still does

or did

or if you could trust them again

either way


is this really what someone wanted for me

to be alone

to be broken

to be struggling

to feel like such a nothing?


not that I'm complaining

not that I'm saying I don't want to live

(I do want to live.)

feels as if I can't complain

no longer allowed somehow

can't say anything

or that's just another reason I'm a pain in the ass


things went from personal preference

to life and death

really fucking quick


I wouldn't wish these feelings on anyone

why would anyone be so vicious towards me

just because they could

how could anyone who ever knew me think I deserved this

it must be in my head

just afraid that's what they think

but if it's true

where are they then

where are my friends?

how did I seem to misplace them?

and so many?


starts to get easier to think

maybe they never cared for me at all

but that's insulting if they did

and I miss them

and wish they were still around


does anyone wish I was still around?

(you'll never get an answer if you only ask the air)


is it really just time to go it alone

or am I kidding myself

look at my broken teeth

my thinning hair

swollen feet

as if to say

look at how unloved I am

        I'm falling apart

why is it like this

                 I will be gone and no one will notice

there must be some mistake

                                     how could you not love me at all

why is it like this

                                              how could I be so stuck on people who didn't even like me

for anyone?

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