This Is How I Lost Him

I don't know exactly where I went wrong.
But I know I went wrong somewhere.

I was receiving more love than I was giving.

I thought I was giving love, but it wasn't "speaking his language".

I wasn't doing enough.

I wasn't doing enough for him.

He felt guilty and grew to resent me.

My submissiveness brought out his dominance.

My anxiety brought out the worst in me.

All he got to see was a cry baby.

I was confident in who I was

and then I changed

and everything I used to think was called into question

and I lost myself

I didn't seek him out for comfort

I didn't go to him

I didn't try hard enough

I didn't do grand gestures

I didn't cook, clean, change my body, buy new underwear, make crafts.

I didn't appeal to him.

I wasn't the other girl.

Whatever she did.