By the time they cover $20,000 [pell grants] I'll be fucking double the debt.
It makes it look like I was better off leaving everything alone...the accounts say closed and I wasn't getting collections letters.
I don't understand this.
I SPENT MY CHILDHOOD DOING CHORES
GRADUATED AS A 3.8 AVG STUDENT
SO I COULD GO TO COLLEGE
DEGREE IN WRITING
MINORED IN WOMEN & GENDER STUDIES
EARNED A CELTA
[GRADUATED WITH A 3.3 AVG]
AND LATER: AN OFFICIAL BUDTENDING LICENSE
ONLY TO BE HARASSED AND DISCOUNTED EVERY. STEP. OF. THE. WAY.
MY LIFELONG BLOG "MYSTERIOUSLY" HIDDEN OR JUST IGNORED
[was not really material I was going to officially publish: more background/practice work...open diary, therapy, memories, school assignments,
poetry, sci-fi...but still]
DON'T ANYBODY DARE SAY I DIDN'T WORK HARD ENOUGH OR I DIDN'T TRY.
COME THE FUCK ON.
PLEASE.
GIVE ME A BREAK AND NOT A FUCKING KIT-KAT BAR!
SERIOUSLY! LITERALLY!
BEFORE LIFE GETS ANY WORSE...
*come WiTh mE aNd yOU'll SEE iT's a WoRLd of PuRe iMagInAtiON*
It's like I'm being punished for being real.
I. DON'T. JOIN. CULTS.
I am not going to suck dick for money even if they make prostitution legal. No shame, no stigma, just not for me.
All for the rights of others, but it was bad enough scubbing turds and puke. I'm not sucking dick too. And I've been way too harassed to "serve" anyone who has been harassing me. Not going to run for something so you think you can pressure me into whatever you want.
I think for myself and I am nobody's bitch MORE THAN EVER NOW
[Since graduating in 2012 I've mostly been a janitor and a cashier]
Clearly being pressured...
as if society itself has deemed me useless
or else they would have forgiven the loans years ago....
Haven't been able to leave my studio apartment for 4 years because of COVID and corruption. I have no income, remote work has been suspiciously difficult, and I don't know what to do. My father died last year and I unexpectedly inherited $100,000...more money than I have ever seen in my life...that is almost gone now. I bought things I saw as investments, but they're not working out. People are fucking with me every day. I would have made different choices, but I couldn't leave my apartment. The world is totally inaccessible if you can't leave your home and someone is fucking with your internet. Was denied disability assistance.
I don't know what do.
This is all just wrong.
Oh but I quit smoking in 2020. I lost all trust in friends and family and am completely isolated and dying alone, but I quit smoking. Been attacked by people pushing random chemicals into my apartment that have clearly done more damage than smoking ever did, but whoopdiedo! Starved a lot so I'm thinner than ever now. Whoo. Sadder that it means anything to me. That's all I have really accomplished since 2020. And probably 7 books worth of recordings, but who has ever really cared what I think?
*
