This Has Been A Poem

More often than not
go to write something nowadays
and edit until the phrase:
"Wow. You're an idiot. What are you even saying?"
comes to mind
and I
just
back
up
up
and
away

picking your battles

we know better now
but we wanted to preserve the past
like the lead tiles on the roof of the notre-dame cathedral
that have burned and sent
how many tons of garbage
into the air
which will circulate the earth
it's not just confined to paris
i've always wanted to go to paris
and chainsmoke cigarettes by the seine

the risks you take just to live
a little bit

Human Conditions

I'm like a library book.
The ideas are classic, but you still need to research online.
You still need other resources.
You still need other books.

Isn't that how it should've been, anyway?

I could always do more research myself.
Have to admit I love speaking what feels true and later finding out
that someone people actually remember and care about in a historic sort of way
said it too.

Unless the ideas were passed through conversation or the general cultural atmosphere
engrained in the radio waves
coded into the algorithm
I had no way of knowing that before
I didn't read that book
I didn't see that movie
nobody taught me that quote or that fact
it just felt true.

It's fun for me.
Sometimes heartbreakingly.
Truth is painful if it feels like you're the only one who knows
or gives a fuck.

I guess I always had trouble feeling like I belong.
Resonating this way is like talking to them.
How often I imagine what I'd be like if they raised me directly.
Or if we might have been friends or fallen in love
had we been able to meet.
This way I'm part of the great conversation, too.
A place at the table, even when I like to eat alone.
A home in the universe.
A family across time.
That knows no boundary of genetics: no gender, no race, no body shape.
Nor other flimsy standards like social status or sexuality, occupation or popularity.

If friends are the family you choose, famous thinkers are the friends and family who can't reject me (well, most of the time they don't).

Not that every brilliant mind has been remembered by time
or even had the chance or ability to speak loud enough
to echo off the future.

I meant to write about the human condition.
It crossed my mind that people could interpret evolution as a guide for changing our very being(s)
or
as an excuse for why we are what we are.

One might say as a whole we are just murderous, territorial, genocidal, ignorant, greedy, hateful, oppressive, elietist, heartless creatures.

Another could say
no
wait
we can change all that.

We are also empathetic, passionate, philosophical, sensitive, inspired. We are inventors. Adventurers. Artists. Caretakers. Creators. Advocates. Lovers.

We want to enjoy our time on Earth. People want to feel good. How that gets signaled to the brain just varies, or gets twisted, that's all. And it doesn't help we have corporations and governments taking away individual agency and making us hate ourselves so we hate each other and buy more garbage to fill the void.

We can raise awareness.
We can create protective laws.
Teach our citizens new ways from birth.
How much pain do we cause just because we don't know better?

I want to believe there are people with power, people in charge, who really care about us and want us all to be happy and free but they know we have to undo some of our own wiring. To redeem our ancestor's mistakes and misdeeds. Correct anything we are doing that is not actually worth doing. Pave the way for a better future having learned from the past.

I like to think they're playing a multidimensional chess game. Conducting an experiment with infinite variables. Teaching us through magic tricks.

I want to believe there is someone somewhere who knows the whole truth, and this will all result in a better someday, even if we will never get to know.

I'm not saying that's reality.
I would just feel so much better if it was.