It's 2:51am
I can't sleep.
I feel degraded. Violated. Traumatized.
I feel like no one knew enough to care.
I worry people are being blocked online - digitally isolated - they could never see what I posted. That someone designed this.
I should have had so many friends. Things should have been so different.
I want my apartment back. I want my stuff back. I want the life I was trying to cultivate back.
I need a different word than terrified. If I get so sick I die from this, I want asteroids to fall from the sky. I want anyone who deliberately hurt me without remorse to feel followed by satellites for the rest of their lives.
My body hurts so bad. It would have been worse without naproxen. The bedding is a thin layer on top of a flat metal surface. It is warm enough but there's been so much coughing. Coughing so hard it sounded like they were puking. If there are 50 beds in here, 30 must have been coughing.
Someone in the bed next to me tried talking to me earlier. I fell asleep. Woke up and they were gone. Their stuff is gone. I have no idea how any of this works. They said once you were in you weren't allowed to leave until morning.
I don't know how to make anyone understand my situation. And I feel I have to or I will die.
Totally alone - not sharing germs, not walking outside, why won't you care about how this deranged thing happened to me? Didn't COVID happen to you too?
Another woman came over earlier and said she'd gotten pneumonia first time she stayed here. I have had pneumonia like five fucking times. Plus chronic bronchitis and costochondritis. I had every justifiable reason to be worried COVID would kill me. The people here are nice and keep to themselves but just based on the sounds most of them have a respiratory issue.
Was this attempted murder? Did people seriously do this to me knowing it might kill me?
They thought I was stupid and wanted to humiliate me, that seems clear, but were they really trying to end my life?
What the fuck am I supposed to do?
