3:30am [Right Now]

I don't want to think about it
not right now

I don't want it to hurt about it
not right now

I don't want a poem about it
not right now

I just want to numb it out and
forget about it
for right now'

Everything I did wrong
Friends will say I didn't
Who can say if they weren't there?
Who can know if they weren't there?
Was He?
Was I?
Were we?
Even half the time?
How much can you remember when you were trying not to feel?

Let it go for right now

Let it be for right now

Let it heal for right now

Before my heart implodes
scattering shattered mirrors

Before my tears drown me
and I float away on their river

Before my hands keep writing
Shitty, half-assed, poetry
The kind most people don't put online
But they have a different kind of shame than me

No, no please no more!
not right now
not tonight
nothing's right now

Please, let me just feel free
Let me believe
We're all going to be
Alright now

Science Saves Your Life, Singing Saves Your Soul [poem]

Not another sad sorry story.

Not another backboneless attempt,

to reckon and redeem myself, my humanity, a memory -

worse in person than in print.



How many times can you quit something and still be allowed to call it that?

What good is it to point out what's bad if you always keep on going back?

Who am I to suffer when I bring joy to no one else?

Why not try a new reality, not one I see, when either's truth lies in the believing?

I Don't. [The WTF Waltz]

What do you want me to believe?

1 You want me to believe you never loved me.

2 You want me to believe I am a 'stupid fucking idiot'.

3 You want me to believe I am something you could fix with medication.

1 You want me to believe your (new) version of the story.

2 You want me to believe I am 'forgetful' and 'bad at math' and 'will be fired from anywhere in a week'.

3 You want me to believe you're the adult.

1 You want me to believe I'm wrong.

2 You want me to believe I'm stuck.

3 You want me to believe you know everything.

1 You're the one in control.

2 You're the one with all the answers.

3 You're the one doing the right thing.

You want me to believe you.

For the life of me, I don't.

6/27/19: I should really rename this "I didn't, but at some point I started to."

Nobody's Baby

I was somebody's baby once,

but they left me blue.

Now I'm nobody's baby again,

just like I'd always been.

Whose baby are you?

Are you nobody's baby, too?