Psych of Women Final Response

Same Difference

Psych of Women

Final Exam

I’ve chosen to counter the notion that women are naturally more sensitive, and therefore more emotional and “feely” than men. Surely the person would use examples like women crying at movies, or their need to “talk”. As is the overall point of Same Difference, behavior has no gender and there are more differences between personalities of individuals of one gender than between males and females. This applies to emotional sensitivity. Instead what is different is how we are allowed to express those emotions, but this is a prescribed idea, not the natural way of things.

            In chapter 2 – “The Caring Trap” – authors Barnett and Rivers describe the sources of the misconception that women care more than men. One major source is the findings of Carol Gilligan who states that all women live in a “circle of care”. Those within the circle are her priority for giving time and attention. Therefore, if the worth of a woman is defined by the happiness of her husband, he would be a major part of the circle. By this thinking, men do not have such a circle. This is a horrible misconception that damages both men and women alike. Page 41 illustrates the disintegration of a family due to the mother’s control over raising the daughter. In the end Roger (the husband) is “denied any real emotional connection to his daughter, [and was] relegated to being a checkbook”.

            Women would only abide by the idea of overlooking all a man’s flaws and catering to him to fulfill the role of a “good woman”, an idea learned by their mothers before them. Further, a man’s capacity to be a father is something learned by his own father. A man who shrinks from situations where he is called to be caring does so because there is no basis, no model, for him to apply himself to without losing his masculine identity.

            Perhaps if there were no separate roles for how one is allowed to care, then there would be a more realistic image for what it means to care. Talking is therapeutic, regardless of your gender. If crying were unnatural and only a woman’s behavior – why then do men have tear ducts? The authors point out the serious issues men face when they lose contact with family: it’s a health risk to not be caring. Human beings are emotional and social creatures, and we need love just as much as air or food.

            In conclusion, it’s not that men are less caring, it’s that there are rigid contexts in place that stop them from being open to those feelings and this comes as at great loss for men.

*2021 note: so, my final response for this Pysch of Women college class was about how men are fucked over too, and I have gotten so. much. shit. about being a feminist ... meanwhile having had "stuck up" for people who seem to hate me ... it's just crazy.