Tropic of Capricorn might as well define this time in my life. Everything started before I ever got a hold of it, and would have continued on regardless of it, but so much thematically resonates with the way things are right now and I -like all examples of the human condition- I found it beautifully helpful. In the book's character of Henry Miller (I need to learn more about the man vs. his own mythology, just as a mental note) I see a man who is inevitably a product of his time, yet striving for timelessness. He's trying to get to something - some true way of being - that goes beyond hats and salaries, beyond culture of the current era. Otherwise I see little else in common with him, yet somehow I feel I could learn from him, even though I am simultaneously repulsed and attracted to his lifestyle - just as I am to my current situation with poly.
The book is written in a very stream of consciousness fashion with flashes of beat poetics and moments of plot intermingled with descriptions and general philosophy. Miller's various sexual escapades are off set by the shitty relationship he has with his unwanted wife, the mysterious, possibly dead? woman he is dazzled by, and his ever fluctuating level of care about humanity.
Throughout reading I kept imagining how much of this influenced Mad Men, how hard it used to be for atheists and alternatives - even in major cities - and if maybe I should abandon the idea of marriage all together even on the Four Weddings and a Funeral level and commit myself to a life of open love - of poly. Never again expect or commit to a singular soul. Connect where and when I do and let that be it. I tend to be all or nothing, and if I'm going to redefine love, I know myself and I know I can't lead a double life like Miller - and by virtue of my century I don't think I would even have to. The question is 'what do I want', and the answer keeps being 'I don't fucking know' - what are my options? All I know is that I love ---. So I stay. But if he had his way, wouldn't this be the story he wants...just with everyone's consent? What story do I really want? Whatever ends in all the good stuff, obviously. How to get there is its own puzzle.
Mostly I'm left just wanting to read the first book, Tropic of Cancer. Perhaps I can say more then.
I feel like I'm trying to summarize a fascinating person I only just met.
