There's a lot to say and I'm not trying to re-traumatize myself about it at the moment.
I deeply need battery life and I need it to last through the night.
Getting a power generator when I first got evicted would have changed everyone's life.
I could not afford one.
Everywhere I go I see people who only give me reason to believe whatever sub-section of the population this is - they're going to die. They're being exterminated. I am being exterminated. Slowly so it doesn't seem like it. Social murder bullshit.
Someone pissed on me. They pissed on my stuff.
I wonder if I am being fucked with by a group that hates the unhoused so they pretend to be unhoused and ruin shit for people.
Nightmare universe we are living in - nightmare universe so many people for a comfortable spot and considered themselves lucky and stopped caring. Nightmare universe where it's so clear to me 2020 was a genocide and everybody is just getting "owned".
Universal human rights or everything is bullshit.
Universal human rights or everything is cointelpro.
Universal human rights or everything is lying.
Universal human rights or everything is genocide.
Universal human rights or everything defeats the purpose of existence.
I'm so tired.
I want to listen to Hasan but my headphones are charging. I'll have to wait and listen later.
Might even have enough battery life tonight to actually enjoy myself.
I am out of food stamps.
The gym wants $70 for me signing up so I could take a shower and not be deliberately pushed into another community of people, some of which are harassing me - only to be screwed with a bit there too.
So many easy outs people have scripted in their minds to throw at these situations - just call someone mentally ill and not even have to take a second to know anything about them, or whether they're just fine and of their own mind, thank you.
A hundred thousand important thoughts.
I need my apartment back and I need time to just wring them all back out again.
Someone is using me, hurting me, and ripping me off. I don't know who the fuck they are.
But I get the picture that you should think twice about everyone and everything.
Who is getting used? Find the designers of this situation or they'll have to die in a fight against a pawn.
It's 5pm.
No, I am not having fun.
I am being forced into a stupid, painful, gross fucking position for someone's fucking amusement.
They make you feel like everyone around you every day watched you suffer in your room and won't help you - of course, that's what someone would want you to think - someone who hated everyone regardless of how much they deserved it.
I know how to write a powerful speech too and I mean it.
What is the joke?
The joke is they broke you down and made you question why you'd bother.
They're going to bother no matter how evil someone is - that's THEIR family.
I never thought I was going to be anything like that - I'm a sci fi poet - they gave people a false expectation and then I have to deal with their nonsensical and vicious disappointment. Sometimes like are alike - they have commonality and parallel - but there needs to be an understanding how things are ALSO very DIFFERENT no matter what you were trying to fucking explain by having ONE PERSON represent anything more or less than themselves.
We need a self-represented system.
I'm guessing it's only possible with internet and trust of the internet.
What's holding me up?
I finally have a place to sit and charge my devices and think and I'm winded sitting down.
Like I've been running - for days.
Hungry enough, tired enough, hot and sweaty enough, and you just go on auto pilot.
The image of someone handing me keys as a guardian when I'm like 60 but I will have missed out on a whole life and love and my own story...they kept you separate and learning all these awful things so they felt secure someone knew. Must be millions...
They have an old fashioned but electric pencil sharpener here. Haven't seen one in years.
I am so tired.
My brain keeps prompting - hey lets talk about this, lets talk about that and then it goes blank.
I'm just too tired.
until tomorrow
